Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
