so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
