Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
wow bdsm is so cute
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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