piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
