so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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