they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm like, not good at living.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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