My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
