I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The power of my boobs compel you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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