i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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