The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
