that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
