i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
