i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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