can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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