we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
