When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
