Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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