i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
