I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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