I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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