my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
