bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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