I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
