i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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