You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
