using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
