Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
