'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
