I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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