So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A bitchslap is in order.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
