Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
