i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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