It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just pee around me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
