Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
