I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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