this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
