my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
