I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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