He called his prostate his "boner button".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sext me about skeletons
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
