I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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