i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
