mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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