i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
