I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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