it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
