so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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