I smell stomach acid.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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