K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
