I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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