jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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