...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
