I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's never too late to be topless.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
