Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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