There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
