it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
