then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
