I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
