tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
