i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish you could order shots online.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
