im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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