i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
