Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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