Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
