Got a toothbrush?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
